Host & Judge Bios
- Originally thought he’d be a scientist but the chemistry experiments kept blowing up
- Monstrously big family with tenuous Hollywood connections
Franco thanks his famous uncle, Boris K., for showing him the ropes in showbiz (he still has his cape). Over the years Franco has played a son, a teenager, a daughter, and on numerous occasions, a bride. He’s had bit parts in many B horror flicks. As a talent-show host, he’s known for glossy hair and his knack for finding talent that has the dead turning over in their graves.
- Childhood nickname: Little Miss Know-It-All
- Has actually won numerous acting awards but knew before the judges did that they would screw up the final votes
Clair wants to make it perfectly clair—er, clear—that she’s doing this gig only because she’s between acting jobs. (Okay, so the last one was back in ’08.) She sees a lucrative endorsement contract in her future as the face of makeup that’s gone slightly mad. Clair already knows who the Battle of the Bones winner will be, but she’s hardly going to share it with the likes of us.
- They claim ancestry back to the old Romans (though most of them have broken noses)
- Are philosophically opposed to the use of marble for countertops. And, please, no lost-your-marbles jokes
Velma and Evander like to remind people that “marble busts” rhymes with “marvelous.” And these two are a marvelous pair of judges. They’re stone-cold sober when they work but will try to make their audience crack up just like they do. Even so, they know how to keep a cool head, no matter how heated the competition gets. And they never, ever talk with their hands.
- The first cat ever to be called a glamour puss
- Loves oysters on the half-shell and insists you share
Sure, Glamorous Cat had to claw his way to the top, and now that he’s there, don’t think he’s relinquishing his perch. Other than this judging, Glamorous Cat hightails it out of sight during Halloween, when everyone seems to go bonkers over black cats. (Is it because they don’t know how to dress?) Glamorous Cat considers most fellow felines to be nothing but riffraff, and wouldn’t be caught dead near a garbage can.